Run
by Angelisence
Summary: [Squall's POV][Chapter Story in Progress] You can run away from your past. But that doesn't guarantee that it won't come after you. Memories will never, ever leave you. Even if you want them to.
1. Time to Run

**Run.**

**_By: Miss Antagonist/Darkness Daresay_**

_**Author's Notes:** I haven't written in a long time. I've been trying to write an original story but it isn't going so well. So I wrote this to help me get creative… Yeah. This might've been a nice chapter story… Oh, well. _

_You might not like this if you're the happy ending type of person. Or if you don't like seeing the insane child side of Squall. It's in Squall's POV, BTW. Reviews are loved. Even flames are acceptable._

_Read&Review, alright? You'll make me happy._

…………………

They didn't hear me. They didn't hear _anything_.

I was there listening at the door quietly and still they didn't know that every word they spoke echoed in my empty heart and pierced every bit of hope I had… again.

Like a new death every time… Every time, another loss.

"…Quistis… um, I have a problem with my commander…"

"You're Lex, right?" Quistis asked tiredly. "What's the problem?"

"Well… he always talks about this girl… a girl we're supposed to save."

"A girl?" Quistis looks up at him, alarmed.

"Yeah… while we were on a mission." Lex replied. "We were in Timber Town and all we were supposed to do was scout the area. But… he kept saying the same thing…"

She shook her head.

"He… he made me check the same places again and again. Look for this girl. He said she was there. He called her his angel. He said he wouldn't let her fly away. He made me take three different girls, all who looked alike. And… I mean… did I do something wrong? I searched and searched. I found nothing. And he… he just glared at me… then he left. Who was I supposed to find?"

"No one, Lex. You didn't do anything wrong." Quistis replied.

"What happened? What happened to the commander?"

"The girl he was talking about. I know who he means. Rinoa Heartilly…" She replied, looking down, seemingly pained. "She was a good friend of mine. A fantastic person. Squall loved her dearly."

"Where is she? …What happened to her?"

"Well…" It took a while before Quistis at last looked up and to his surprise when she did there were genuine tears in her eyes.

"…She's dead."

At those words, my brain recalled every painful memory I had pushed into the back of my mind, hoping for them to be forgotten and remain untrue. Despite the thunderous ringing in my ears, I could still hear every word clearly; only now it was even louder… too excruciating to hear, yet still I couldn't bear to tear myself away from the truth.

I put my hands to my ears, trying to block out Quistis' voice. But then… I put them down again. I knelt on the ground and put my head on my knees agonizingly.

I was paralyzed to the ground. My eyes wide open, yet I was seeing nothing. _How many times had this happened? How many times had I heard the truth? How many times had I refused to have it?_

"_Well… It was only around… seven months ago… It's painful to say even to this day." Quistis began distantly._

"**_I remember now…" Squall thought. "Every night, I remember. Her powers… too much for her body to contain… My angel… It was torturous not only for her, but for me. For all of us. I remember seeing Selphie weep helplessly as Rinoa's dead stare cornered us and we could do nothing but hold back our cries. I listened to her screams die down to whimpers of pain and her body change from livid to lifeless and cold. Her heavy breathing was the only sign that she was still alive."_**

"_It grew worse by the day. Her sorceress powers were too much for one human to take, especially considering that in the past there were three different sorceresses at least to separate the magnitude of the magic to."_

"…**_She even went into a coma. For three weeks, I agonized whether she would wake up this time. Her eyes remained closed, but only those three weeks of her silence did she actually appear peaceful and serene. She looked like she was… already gone."_**

"_That coma worried people. The authorities were worried. They worried about the chances that when she woke up, another sorceress could've had possessed her. The powers of the sorceress frightened them even when in a body as tranquil as Rinoa's. They also feared she would've used her powers for evil if she had the chance."_

"_But would she have?" Lex asked._

"_Turned evil? No one knew. Squall believed she never would've. I believed she wouldn't have gone to the dark side unless forced to. Even if she did, he would've protected her to her death."_

"**_When she finally woke up, she looked me in my eyes but said nothing. I remembered her gaze. It was as sweet as ever, but her face looked tortured and afraid. Her face was crumpled up in pain, her eyes two childlike questions. She didn't know what was going to happen to her. No on did. They refused to let her out of the lab in Esther. They were supposedly working on controlling it. Those morons didn't even know what they were doing…"_**

"_Soon, trials were held to have her killed before her powers got out of hand. Someone could've used it for the wrong side. We were all outraged of course, she did nothing wrong. All she did was try to defeat an evil sorceress. All she did was try to help."_

"_**Finally…"**_

"_The wrong side…"_

"… **_Triumphed."_**

"_It was…"_

"…_**horrible…"**_

"_To see how…"_

"_**They tried to…"**_

"…_kill her."_

"…**_with a gunblade. To add insult to injury… they used MY gunblade."_**

"_Rinoa's last known demand about her death was that it could only be Squall to kill her and _only_ him."_

"_**I never would've let her go. They argued with me endlessly…"**_

"_But he ignored all their protests. They hated being ignored so…"_

"_**They decided to just go ahead and kill her."**_

"_Those bastards took Squall's weapon and pretended he had given the command."_

"**_If Rinoa knew it wasn't Squall firing at her, her anger might've triggered her powers. It was becoming unstable."_**

"_We tried to stop them."_

"**_Of course we did. We did stop them. I wouldn't have let her die. But she did."_**

"_Rinoa found out the truth. But she wasn't angry. She just surrendered her powers and let herself die..."_

"_**It was amazing. Even though it was awful, she was still smiling… despite the tears rolling down her face…"**_

"_She was too understanding. She should've let us fight for her."_

"**_She wasn't shot. They never touched her. But… it was like; she had just decided to give it up."_**

"_She was literally flying. Her powers erupted from all over her body, like an aura finally letting he go. Setting her free of her life and her curse. She opened her eyes once for the last time…"_

"**_She looked so forgiving. Like she understood what they had to do… and she had decided to spare us the pain of the decision. She had made it herself."_**

"_Then she closed her eyes again and just like that… the light was gone. The aura was gone. The sorceress powers were dispersed and deteriorated immediately."_

"_**I recall seeing her limp body fall to the ground. She wasn't a sorceress anymore… and she was gone."**_

"…_that was it. That was the end of Rinoa." Quistis sighed. "But it wasn't the end of Squall's story."_

"_What happened to him?" Lex asked softly, suddenly looking cautious like he'd done the wrong thing to bring up the topic._

"_He's heard this story many times. And he knows what happened to Rinoa. He watched the whole thing with his eyes. He sobbed and was the first to run to Rinoa. But… he refuses to hear it again. He won't accept it. He doesn't believe it. And all of us are fearful to tell him for Hyne knows what he might try to do if he accepts the fact that Rinoa is truly dead…"_

I rasped at the sound of the last word. I couldn't take it anymore.

I screamed. I screamed, I yelled, I howled, I just made every noise I could to stop myself from hearing what Quistis had to say anymore. The door opened and Quistis stared at me with wide eyes, still shining from her tears.

My eyes grew and I felt like a child. Scared and confused. I didn't know where to go, what to do next. I knew I was scaring Quistis, I was going fanatical. I was mad. "No…" I continued muttering and muttering to myself. I took two steps backward from Quistis.

"Squall!" She yelled, troubled at my present state. She grabbed my arm and tried to stop me from running away.

I pushed her away forcefully and she fell to the floor and hit her head on her table.

"Instructor!" Lex yelled. I stared at Quistis; I had bruised her arm and her head. She was just staring at me with more hot tears in her eyes. She seemed more pained emotionally than physically. She was worried, afraid of what I might do next. I know I should've calmed down and stopped being so hysterical.

But I ran anyway.

…………………

_Run, run, and run. Run away._

It was dark and I didn't even know where I was running to. For all I knew, I would crash into a tree or fall off a cliff and die. But I didn't _really_ care. I was practically begging to fall off a cliff. And I knew that I had to get away. I had to forget before the information sunk into my brain. If I let it go sooner, I could think it was just a dream.

Feeling the pain I did now, it was quite easy to understand why I had chosen the easy choice so many times before. I knew that like all other times, I'd forget again… eventually. I'll leave the thoughts of death in the darkness and pretend that light was waiting just around the corner. Running away forever sounded like a sad thought, but I hated to think of Rinoa. I hated to think that she was gone.

_  
Regret, regret, regret._

I can say I don't regret anything I've done… but I do regret that she died. I don't regret that I don't remember it and I will forget it again. Because remembering, would be worse than forgetting. Remembering would be acknowledging her existence… and how it had come and gone.

I had to keep running. I ran 'til the last breath in my body had been used and I had to stop and take another. Then I ran again. I ran away. I _tried_ to run away. I even realized that I was, in a way, running away from _her_.

But that was impossible… because, even in her pain, in her misery, in her weakness and in her death… the angel could fly. And she would always chase after me, flying ahead and waiting for me to catch up to reality.

She was there **waiting** for me. Like she promised.

No matter how far I ran, she flew right with me.


	2. Dark Masquerades

**Chapter 2: Dark Masquerades**

_**By: Miss Antagonist/Darkness Daresay**_

_I haven't posted anything recently 'til now. I've been working on this story for a few months but I haven't had the guts to post it. It might never get an ending, **reviews **would be helpful. :D But anyway, I'm still working on it. Read&Review  
_

…………………_  
_

"_**Squaaaaall!"**_

I woke up at the edge of a mucky water bank… seawater soaking my aching legs; my arms, bruised and battered by a seemingly high fall of a nearby sea cliff; a throbbing in my head… and the shrill voice of Rinoa's haunting screams still ricocheting in my deserted mind.

So I hadn't forgotten about her _this_ time.

It felt strange… to feel the after pains of a death that had passed so long ago, and only now realize that she was truly gone. I felt more numbness than I did pain this time. It was like my brain had refused to function because the only thing it would think about was the one thing you _didn't_ want to think about.

It was like a _really_, _really_ bad hangover.

Apparently, night had passed over me while I was unconscious. I recall drifting in and out of consciousness again after waking up. The sky was dark and starless. The full moon starred as center of attention. The light I got from it was scarcely enough to make out silhouettes and shapes in the shadows of the forest.

I heard the howling of wolves and listened to the silence. Painful thoughts trickled in and out of my mind and made feeling better a hell of an impossible option. I stopped trying to ignore them and just decided to shut my mind off the matter completely. After an hour or so, I got enough sense to pull my upper body up. I used my right arm to keep myself upright but then fell down again when I felt a powerful jolt of pain run through my arm. After that I felt like it was purely numb. I knew I had probably broken it one way or another.

"Shit." I muttered. This time I used my left arm to hold my up and slowly pulled myself to my feet. Luckily, it seemed that it was only my arm that was hurt… badly.

I placed my arm on my ribcage and walked away slowly, unfortunately the numbness was rubbing off, and the screeching pain that replaced it was no better comfort. I held on to the cliff that I had seemingly fell off and tried to feel my way to a path going back up. The moon had darkened and so I couldn't find one.

"Damn…" I walked around the cliff for a few times and found a place I could climb up on… if my arm wasn't hurting like hell. After about half an hour of searching, I sunk to my knees and leaned back.

"…_You passed it."_

My mind shot back to life as I heard a sultry voice from out of the darkness. It was only vaguely familiar, like a swiftly passing half-formed thought, low and hoarse; he spoke as though he was rasping for his words. I looked blankly into the forest. My eyes adjusted to the darkness and a faint figure emerged.

"The exit. You passed it five minutes ago. …it was the grassless path." The voice told Squall. "…Keep your eyes _open_ when you look for something."

"Who are you?" Squall demanded to know.

"…A friend? A stranger perhaps? Someone who knows your story, Squall."

"…" Squall said nothing, and glared cautiously into the darkness. The figure became more concrete, and the silhouette of a hooded stranger was seen. Squall reached impulsively for his gunblade, only to find that he had left it at Balamb Garden.

"Don't bother going for your weapon, Leonheart." The voice laughed. "I'm only here to help you…"

"…I doubt it. How do you know my name? How do I know I can trust you?" Squall replied defiantly.

"You don't. But if you want to get back before that arm has you yelling for mercy on your knees." Squall felt a smirk in the darkness. "The path is up this way." The muddy grass rustled and cackled, Squall followed the sounds apprehensively, seeing vaguely a path he had just missed before.

"I know about Rinoa." The unknown figure said.

"…what's there to know?" Squall mumbled angrily.

"You know what I'm talking about. You can't deny it this time."

"Yeah, well, what's it to you? Why are you helping me?"

"I just have information you _might_ be interested in." The voice whispered, taking a few steps towards Squall. "Information about the sorceress… information about you…"

"…information I don't need to hear. I don't care." Squall breathed angrily, his voice low and husky.

"Information you want to hear, Squall." The figure countered. "…and we both know that the will for what you want sometimes overpowers what you need… we both know that."

The figure stood a few inches away from Squall, his or her face clouded over in darkness and mystery. The black cloak surrounding the silhouette was silky and also streaked with mud and scratches. Squall felt cold breath against his skin and as did the tingle of alarm… the familiarity of trepidation.

"Who are you?" Squall said unsteadily. The alarm in his voice indicated he was ready to strike, at any second, at the sound of a single word…

"It's not important, Leonheart. I know who you are." A laugh. A familiar laugh. Squall's memory prickled at a thought, and his apprehension came as an involuntary step.

"I know you… I know you." Squall muttered. "I don't know who you are now but… I _will_ figure it out."

"Does it really matter now? Hell no, what matters is Rinoa. And the information I have… information about Rinoa's _death_…" Squall's throat tense on the last word and he glared at the figure, distrusting.

Squall felt something being placed into his palm. He looked down to see a small white envelope. His eyes strained to see what was written on it. There was a small emblem on it, and the word 'Leonhart' was carefully written.

Without a word, he tightened his trembling fingers around it.

The figure's face moved forward and Squall felt his heart jump and his blood boil as the icy breathing in his ear turned into words of guilt. "You couldn't save her."

Squall lunged for the figure in an attempt to uncloak him, his fists coming out into the air. But he fell on solid ground, to the sounds of human footsteps running away, fading away…

His broken arm screamed out to him in pain and the paper fell out of his fist and into the muddy waters. He splashed through quickly and gripping it even harder, crushing it into a ball.

Squall pulled himself up and yelled into the darkness out of pure emotion.

His face was red; his hand gripped around the envelope; his mind a mess of questions; his heart pounding into the silence… The questions were countless and his ache immeasurable.

And all he could do was start his long painful walk back to Balamb Garden.


	3. The Broken Road

**Chapter 3: The Broken Road**

_**By: Miss Antagonist/Darkness Daresay**_

_Y'know I'd really appreciate reviews. )) Good or bad. I love flames. They're interesting. But I love good reviews too. Then I'll love you. Haha._

…………………_  
_

"_How is he?"_

_She shook her head. "Not doing too well. Dr. Kadowaki's intent on keeping him in the infirmary for another few days."_

"_But he's… okay, right? Right?"_

"_Selph… honestly, I don't know. He's… a wreck. A _complete_ wreck. He hasn't spoken a word since he returned."  
_

"_Hey, we've dealt with this before, Quistis. Squall's strong. We can do it again. We always, always manage to come out okay!"_

"_It's different this time, Selphie. He's emotionally broken too." Quistis said hazily._

"_What…you mean…?"_

"_Yeah…" Quistis smiles sadly. "He remembers her."_

"Can you move your arm?"

I nodded as Dr. Kadowaki fussed over my injuries some more. I leaned against the wall tiredly. I had been sitting on that cold metal table for ages to come. And my real problems were yet to be treated.

Inside the pocket of my leather jacket, I feel with my fingers the envelope that the stranger had handed me two nights ago. I had fiddled with it during my slow, one and a half day journey back to Balamb Garden. It was thin, and a little small. I could immediately tell that nothing more than paper had been placed inside it. But what did the paper say, I wondered.

"…anything else bothering you, Squall? Medically speaking, I mean."

Dr. Kadowaki snapped me back into reality. I shook my head no. She gave me a look then said, "Alright. Off you go then I suppose. Oh, wait a minute, I think…"

There was a sound at the door. Without even finishing her sentence, Kadowaki left me again and I continued to fiddle with my… _clue_. I turned it and turned it inside my palm, inside my jacket pocket, trying to decide whether the truth was an option for me. Deciding whether I should burn that mystery or reveal at least a small piece of the puzzle.

"Squall?"

I looked up, both Kadowaki and Quistis were looking right back at me. I said nothing. Last time Quistis came for me at the infirmary was when I was scarred by Seifer. That time seemed so long ago. Yet I feel the same. The same silent, fearful person.

"Squall, over here. I need you to sign something." Kadowaki called. I stood up and walked over to her, slowly.

"Are you…" Quistis began to ask me as I passed by her.

I ignored it.

"Alright, squall, you're free to go." Kadowaki told me after I signed a log-in sheet of some sort, "But Quistis here would like to see you for a moment so I told her she could take you to your room."

I stood up and walked past them both slowly, looking at Quistis in the eyes as I passed by her. I made my own way to the door and left.

Mere seconds pass.

"Squall." I heard the familiar clinking of Quistis' boots behind me.

I stopped but I didn't look at her.

"We need to talk about this." She said quietly.

"…we don't." I said quietly the first two words I'd spoken since I'd returned to Balamb Garden.

"Yes, we do." She replied, "You know you want to know the truth… We all miss her but Rin-"

"Hell, Trepe, just shut up! I don't want to hear it!" I shouted. "Don't' even say her name! Don't talk like she's…" My sentence never finished. Quistis flinched, as though she felt I was going to hit her again. I didn't want to. I just wanted her to stop talking. Every word she said was verifying everything that I still kept up in the air, the things I didn't want to believe.

Neither of us said anything for a minute. Then finally Quistis spoke. I could tell she was trying to steady her voice and select her words cautiously.

"Squall…" she spoke very softly. "I know you have questions. And I can try to answer them for you… if you want me to. _When_ you want me to… just look for me. Okay?"

I didn't say a word, just stared after her and let the clinking sound of Quistis' heels fade away farther and farther, 'til I couldn't hear it anymore.

I didn't want Quistis' help. I didn't want anyone's help. I was defiant. I was a rock. I didn't want Rinoa. I didn't need Rinoa.

Fuck, I didn't even give a damn about what happened; didn't give a damn if she was gone. I didn't care if everyone was staring at me in the hallways or that I could practically feel the only piece of possible truth I had burning a hole in my pocket. I didn't care that some creepy stranger was stalking me. I didn't care that my arm was hurting like hell or that I was acting like a vulnerable child.

I don't care about these things…

I _don't_ care.

But I care about her.

I _cared_ about her. I cared about Rinoa. But now, I can't. Love has transformed from blessing to curse in mere days.

The weight of my newfound burden had finally begun to sink in.

_Normally, thinking itself is something I hate. Cause I do too much of it. But now, all I can think about is her. And all I can do is think. Rinoa, Rinoa, Rinoa._

I couldn't sleep. Not only could I not sleep, I wasn't even attempting to sleep. All I could do was say her name over and over in my head. And before long, I felt numb to the pain. My mind fell into a trance. The trance lasted for hours. _Rinoa, Rinoa, Rinoa, Rinoa…_

Then finally…

"…Rinoa…?" I whispered.

The trance ended. My thoughts ended.

Silence.

I lifted my hand to my eyes.

And discovered that tears were falling steadily.

I couldn't tell if I had been holding them in all this time, or if they came because of the silence that came after saying her name and not hearing her call back to me. In any case, they were there. They were falling uncontrollably. I was just… crying… I didn't feel any sobs coming and I didn't make any sounds.

But the tears didn't stop coming.

I didn't feel anything. I lost the only thing that made me feel whole. I was always a lonely person, always the loner. She helped me feel happiness even though I was the way I was. But now, I really was alone again. I was back to feeling empty.

_Rinoa…_

I just needed to cry.

After a long time, a few hours at least… my eyes were dry. My mind was made up.

I was going to open that fucking envelope and read that fucking paper.

The night was still dark, but outside my window, I could see a trace of the sun rising over the horizon. I stand up and walk over to my desk and chair. I turn on the lamp but the sudden brightness blinds me for a few seconds, so I sit down.

The last night, I had hung my jacket on that chair, so I reach for it and quickly, before I could change my mind, search for that one envelope.

At first I think I'm dreaming… but then I rush in my search, my hand brushes through then desk and knocks the lamp down on my arm. The heat burns and then I know I'm really awake.

And I've **_lost_** the only thing that could lead me to any sort of answer.

I lost it.

I lost everything.

…………………

_End of nightmare, start of nightmare._

Quistis woke up as the first few vague rays of light shone on her face. The sun had only begun to rise and already she was up. She always woke up early, always before anyone else was awake. This morning though, she recalls going to staying up, just staring at the ceiling 'til past midnight… her sleep for the rest of the night was solid and steady. Once she stopped asking herself the same questions over and over, her tired mind fell fast asleep.

Sitting up, she stares outside… the sky was still dim, but you could see the sun peeking out.

There's a sound at the door. Just a slight sound of something rustling…

She moved over to the over side of the room and opens her door.

There's no one.

_Strange. _She thinks. The quiet rustling sound starts again and bewildered, Quistis opens her door and looks outside.

She's startled. At first, the complete randomness of the situation makes her want to laugh but she quickly regains her composure. _Thank God I wake up early._

She taps the sleeping figure on his shoulder.

"Squall…?"


End file.
